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Yesterday, I hit rock bottom….

This past week my stress levels have been off the roof. I’ve a million things to do and worry about. Between finals and the thought of failing my classes, I have been binge eating like there is no tomorrow. I’ve eaten until my stomach hurts and I feel like purging because of how much I have eaten. Afterward I tell myself to get a hold of it and to never do it again.

Though, yesterday was different. I ate so much while I was at school that by the time I was driving home my stomach couldn’t handle it anymore. Immediately, I began to freak out and feel guilty. All my mind could think of was the calories that I had consumed. My mind got so flogged that by the time I was about to park my car, I pulled out of the drive way and drove around to find a dark place where I can park. I think I must’ve driven around for like five minutes until I found a dark place…immediately after I searched for a bag, took my glasses off and stuck my fingers down my throat(for the first time in my life)I tried to make it all go away but I couldn’t…after several unsuccessful trials I gave up, threw the bag to the back of my car and drove home.

As soon as I got home, I buried myself under my covers and cried.

I don’t know what has gotten into me.

I’ve hit my lowest point. I’m 142.6. I know I’m the only one to blame. I haven’t been careful with my eating habits yet alone worked out regularly in months. I’ve made excuses and allowed school, work and family to get in the way. 

I know what I must do but I won’t go at it hardcore. I’m going to take small step. Try to talk positive to myself(cause lately, all that has comes out through my mouth are negative comments) and make an effort to change. I’m going to be realistic, and make it my goal to get down to 130 by new years. I know I can do this…I just have to stick with it. 

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